The Nationals Enquirer

WHERE HAVE YOU GONE, TOM PACIOREK?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Ron Darling on the Twins-White Sox game on TBS tonight got us thinking about the glory days of MASN, and wondering what Tom Paciorek is up to these days...

We're pleased to report that Darling is now able to form complete sentences, unlike 2005, when most of the time, we couldn't watch on cable around here anyway -- because Peter Angelos is the Devil, MASN sucks sucked, well, honestly, we can't remember why -- and on the rare occasion when we could tune in to Mel Proctor and Darling, Darling was barely verbal.

Echoing FJB's sentiments from yesterday, the '08 season is only 2 days dead, and we already miss Chuck and Dave dearly. Is it Spring yet?

(Photo of Ron Darling on TV by The Nationals Enquirer staff)

What happens next?

"We're going to start on 2009 tomorrow morning."
(Jim Bowden, via Washington Times, 9/28/2008)

Any more pink slips being handed out today?

MAN-NY STATE OF MIND

"It's a very tough day for me. I'm a blessed individual. I haven't had too many bad news in my life. Other than the death of my older brother [in 2006], this is the worst news I've ever had before."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Times, 9/28/2008)

"I don't go for the holidays to his house, and he doesn't come for the holidays to mine. We have a strictly professional relationship."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 9/28/2008)

Just like Stan, does Manny want out of Washington?

Staff gets axed, and no vote of confidence for skipper: still no news on Manny's 2010 option with Nationals.

Wilpons will keep Manny's seat warm in NY for another year, after another Amazin' collapse by the Mets.

Meanwhile, Acta confirms that he won't be sending a Christmas card to Jim Bowden this year.

Finally, sppeaking of ex-Mets who would love nothing more than to return to their former organization, old buddy Paul Lo Duca took the opportunity yesterday to rip into the Mets one last time: "I feel for (the players), I feel for the fans. I feel nothing for upper management. I'll sleep well tonight."
(Paul Lo Duca, via NJ dot com, 9/29/2008)

(AP Photo)

THEY DID IT!

"We did some good things and a lot of bad things."
(Pat Corrales, via Washington Post, 9/27/2008)

Phillies 8, Nationals 3. A slight modification to the old saying about the Senators: First in war, first in peace, and last in Major League Baseball.

Nationals finish season from hell with worst record in baseball; secure #1 pick in 2009 Draft. Hello, Steven Strasburg! Next question: will the cheapskate, penny-pinching, tight-fisted Lerner Family pay Scott Boras' obscene ransom for the services of Strasburg? The only acceptable answer is: Yes.

Heads start rolling...please pack your bags if your name isn't Randy St. Claire. Thanks for the memories: Pat Corrales, Tim Tolman, Jerry Morales, Rick Aponte, and Lenny Harris.

(AP Photo/Tom Mihalek)

JUST QUIT, BABY!

Thank you. Manny Acta finally surrenders, concedes loss #102.

Nationals prepared to declare victory in the Battle for Worst Place in the majors. Bring on the #1 pick.

Jesus (not Colome or Flores)! If they can't lose with this starting lineup for today's finale with Philly, then maybe this team really IS cursed or something. In case you missed it, here's this afternoon's starting nine in all its glory:

Bonifacio -2b
Hernandez -ss
Casto - 1b
Langerhans -rf
Gonzalez - 3b
Bernadina -cf
Montz - c
Orr - lf
Perez - p

(Photo by www dot worldpeace dot no)

LOSING 101

"Well, I've been on the other side, too, I've clinched on other fields, and it's a great feeling. You don't want to be on the other side, obviously, but also that's something that it is good for you guys to see -- that you could be in that position, that you could be someday at Nationals Park with 45,000 people waving white towels or red towels or however we want to give them away."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 9/27/2008)

Phillies 4, Nationals 3: Like Manny said, someday, Nationals fans, you could be at Nationals Park with 45,000 people waving white towels or red towels -- the only question is: would they really give 'em away, or make us pay for 'em?

Ho-hum, a loss is a loss is a loss. But the good news is, the Mariners won again!

And, it IS good news, Nationals fans. With today's (surprisingly painful, considering it was just one of 101) loss, and Seattle's 6-3 win over Oakland, the Nationals took the lead in the battle for worst place in baseball, and the rights to draft Steven Strasburg with the #1 pick in the 2009 draft. One game to go. You just know they'll find a way to screw this up.

Meanwhile...

Heads will roll, starting with Manny's coaching staff. But who stays, who goes?

(AP Photo/Tom Mihalek)

CENTURY MARK

"It was a horrible day. Just a horrible game."
(Collin Balester, via Washington Times, 9/27/2008)

Phillies 8, Nationals 4: 100th. Feels the same as the other 99.

Balester did 'em in. Philly just one game away from clinching.

The good news is, the Mariners won; so if the Nats can't be spoilers, at least there's still a sliver of hope for Strasburg. Nats (59-100) still trail Mariners (59-101) in Battle for Worst Place.

(AP Photo/H. Rumph Jr.)

A FITTING FINALE

"You never show up to work not wanting to play [unless your name is Felipe Lopez]...The weather is tough. But yeah, we want to play the last home game at Nationals Park, and it being Fan Appreciation Day, obviously. You can't control the weather."
(Manny Acta, via Nationals dot com, 9/25/2008)

Zimmerman's walkoff opened Nationals Park in 2008, Mother Nature closed it.

Washout. Home finale rained out, won't be made up. 100th loss will have to wait another day.

Seems fitting that on Fan Appreciation Day, the team was spared the ignominy of losing game #100 at home, and fans were spared the pain of watching it. There's always tomorrow (unless the rain doesn't stop in Philly).

Meanwhile...

• Goodbye, Strasburg? Mariners (58-101) take a commanding lead on the Nats (59-99) in the Battle for Worst Place with another loss.
• Thomas Boswell chimes in on the state of the Nats, points out how difficult it is for a team to lose 100 games, then gets some nice quotes from Stan Kasten like: "We've set the foundation. But what fans see is the tip of the iceberg. They don't see the 200 players below sea level [in the minors] where we're really strong. Next year, we need to improve the product here." There's a Titanic joke there for the taking, but we'll pass.
• Thom Loverro chimes in on the fitting end to the home portion of the 2008 schedule.

Onward to Philadelphia. Rumor has it The Nationals Enquirer will answer some questions on a Phillies blog (Balls, Sticks, & Stuff) later today.

[UPDATE]: Here's a direct link to our latest attempt to form complete sentences, via Balls, Sticks, & Stuff.

(AP Photo by Nick Wass)

STAN KASTEN LOVES HIS JOB!

"I have no plans to leave at all...We have had bumps and bruises. We've had some hurdles and some challenges...I think there have been wild exaggerations, but overall, we continue to be on the right track. I absolutely get along with the Lerners. We discuss everything vigorously, debate it and work through things. My relationship with every member of the family has been outstanding."
(Stan Kasten, via Nationals dot com, 9/24/2008)

It's a hard knock life for Stan: Bumps, bruises, hurdles, and don't forget the challenges.

Yes, Stan acknowledges bumps and bruises from getting bullied by Tightfisted Ted, but says he has no plans (lowercase, plural) to quit his job. Of course, his explanation leaves open the possibility that he could have a Plan (capital "P", singular ) to quit his job.***

Kasten's comments were made last night in an attempt put the lid on rumors that he was fed up with the overbearing Ted Lerner. On a related note, there was this interesting account yesterday on Sporting News dot com about the mounting tension in the bizarre love triangle between Kasten, Bowden, and The Lerner Family, and an incident which was (according to unnamed major league officials) the last straw for Stan (hat tip to NationalsFanBoyLoooooser for the link).

Our "sources" tell us Stan's bags are packed (*wink* *wink*).

***Damn, where the hell is the StanSpeak Translator when we really need it most!?

(AP Photo)

NINETY NINE

"Well, regardless of how many people were sick, you didn't know you were going to be trailing 7-0. You have to go into the game positive and thinking you're gonna get it done. What am I going to gain by being negative and getting myself down because I'm down in the game? Is there anything to gain? I don't think so."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 9/25/2008)

Marlins 9, Nationals 4: Sick day. Another second half stinker by The Tim Redding Journeyman Express puts Nats on the brink of 100.

Not surprisingly, Nats get no help from the Mariners, who dropped their 100th last night.

Meanwhile...

At this point, it just seems like piling on.

Do you think if Ted Lerner knew there was a guy with the last name "Cashman" sniffing around for a new GM job he'd consider changing his mind about Jimbo? Could there be a worse fit for the free-spending Cashman than in penny-pinching Washington?

(AP Photo/Nick Wass)