The Nationals Enquirer

Enquirer answers the mailbag!

We're running on fumes, limping towards the finish line and the final month of a lost season, but still, for the people, The Nationals Enquirer answers the latest installment of the Nationals dot com Mail Bag! The correct answers are available on Nationals dot com; now we'll give it a shot.

Keep those e-mails coming to Nationals beat writer Bill Ladson, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers. Thanks a bunch.

Comparing Ryan Zimmerman to Brooks Robinson needs to stop immediately. How on earth can you compare 16 Gold Gloves to a rookie year in the bigs? You can't, I can't and even as much as I respect manager Frank Robinson, he can't. Just stop it for goodness sakes. Don't get me wrong, Zimmerman may prove to be the long-term cornerstone but he isn't even the best third baseman in the National League East. Can you say, David Wright?
-- V.S., Washington, D.C.

Ok, ok, you got it - we'll stop immediately.

I noticed that Zimmerman was pulled from a weekend game and did not play in Wednesday night's loss in Florida. Although he has slumped a bit lately, his bat could have been the difference in both games. Has Robinson decided to rest him given the grueling schedule? What are your thoughts on that?
-- J.H. Vienna, Va.

To answer your first question: No. As to your second question: We have no thoughts on it.

Do you see any of the relief pitchers being put into the starting rotation the rest of the season?
-- B.G., Laurel, Md.

No.

At first, I thought your mailbag feature was funny. The last few months though, it seems like you just rehash the same answers every week. The results are lukewarm, unfunny, and uninformed. What happened?
-- Bill L., Washington, D.C.

You're on to us, that's for sure.

Will there be any repercussion for what happened between Jeff Francoeur and Nick Johnson on Saturday?
-- J.H., Falls Church, Va.

The only repercussion will be Nick J. landing on the 15-day DL sometime this week, retroactive to Saturday. We've been waiting all season for Nick's annual trip to the DL.  Ladson cursed him back on Aug. 17th: "First baseman has avoided the injury bug in his best season."

Do you agree with Robinson being voted the worst manager in baseball?
-- A.C., Montreal

No.

Given the lack of strength in the Nationals' rotation this year, do you think that it will undergo a major overhaul in the offseason?
-- M.P., Canberra, Australia

Crikey! Let's hope so!

In 2004 and '05, you kept on talking about Brad Wilkerson's strikeouts. I understand Wilkerson is no Alfonso Soriano, but I have yet to hear you bark about Soriano's 121 strikeouts -- far too much for a leadoff guy as you once put it.
-- P.P. Washington, D.C.

Here we go again! What's wrong, still have your Brad Wilkerson Underoos all twisted in knots over the trade? Do us all a favor and go F yourself.

Do you think that the Nats are playing up to their potential?
-- M.Y., Potomac, Md.

Yes.

What ever happened with Soriano going on waivers? The last I heard was they put him on waivers. Did he clear waivers or did he get blocked, and if so, by who? And is there any chance of the Nats working out a deal with this team?
-- T.O., Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

No.

Endless Bummer

"It tells you about players' character. It tells you about their soul, and certainly helps their chances for next year. When you show heart, character and soul the last month of the year, it goes a long way -- especially with a team in last place, like ours." (Jim Bowden, via Washington Post, 8/28/2006)

Another soulless start, more shoddy defense: Braves batter Traber, Nats, 13-6.

Nats finish trip from hell 2-7. It all adds up to sucky pitching: Starters (Armas, Astacio, Bergmann, Ortiz, Traber) combine for 31.1 innings, 61 hits, 25 walks, and 39 earned runs (11.28 ERA) on the trip.

Two more steals for Soriano -- Six to go to join 40-40 Club. I wonder what effect that'll have on his asking price in the offseason?

(Photo by Gregory Smith/AP)

While You Were Out

We're still trying to catch up on all the good stuff we missed last week -- the highlights lowlights, in no particular order, were (let us know if we missed anything):

-----------------------------------------------------

5 game losing streak! JimBo freaks out!

"It's not fun. It's not enjoyable. And it just kind of built up tonight. Just let it out, and get it out of our system, and hopefully we can get this thing straightened out, turned around." (Jim Bowden, via Washington Post, 8/24/2006)

Nationals drop 5 in a row. How bad did it get? So bad that Jim Bowden (!?) called a closed door meeting with Frank and the coaching staff in FLA after a particularly bad 9-7 loss on Wednesday night (and another gutless performance by Tony Armas). Don't forget, Bowden pretty much hand-picked this coaching staff for Frank (remember all his bluster about bringing in a "high-energy" staff in the offseason?) Hilarious. We said a while back that we thought that Frank would step down before the end of the season. Not surprisingly, we're backing away from that and think that he'll wait it out for his pink slip on midnight, October 2.

Oh, and we didn't miss the best line of the season about the Nationals, penned by the Washington Post's Barry Svrluga, in response to Bowden's quote (above) about turning the Nats season around now:

At this point, that task is akin to turning around a cruise ship in a phone booth.

-------------------------------------------------------

Injury Shocker! Escobar gets hurt again!

"It's just like he's got a cloud hanging over his head, a negative force." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/26/2006)

A few days removed from a trip to the hospital in Florida for a mysterious infection in his elbow, Escobar messes up his shoulder diving back to first on Friday night in Atlanta and lands on the 15-day DL, possibly done for the year. I'm throwing a pity party for Alex Escobar, and you're all invited. Just bad, bad, bad, bad, bad luck.

------------------------------------------------------

Damian Jackson: Released.

Apparently, Jackson was really, really, really hated in some circles. We're a bit puzzled by the reaction to the release of Jackson. You'd think he killed a bunch of kittens or something. As far as we're concerned, he's guilty of nothing more than doing nothing for the Nats. Yes, he stunk it up in a Nats' uni. Sure, he threw a chair a few weeks ago and reportedly berated a clubhouse attendant at one point...but...come on, people, he was simply a utility guy on one of the worst teams in baseball! Nothing more, nothing less. It didn't matter who had filled that roster spot -- it wouldn't have made a difference -- not Jamey Carroll (playing more like Jamey Carroll in August) or anybody else.

(Photo of Armas/Robinson by Wilfredo Lee/AP. Photo of Escobar by John Amis/AP)

Pedro Atrocious

"It's very crippling. It just tears your bullpen up, is what it does. It tears it up, wears 'em out. We don't have a bullpen designed for this type of workload." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/27/2006)

Astacio sets up Nats for an Atlanta thrashing -- 2.2 IP, 8 H, 5BB, 6 ER:

Braves 10, Nationals 1.

This just in: Nats' starting pitching stinks.

(Photo by Gregory Smith/AP)

Thanks for stopping by, but we're packing up the family and heading out on vacation for the week. In the meantime, my three-month-old son continues to work on a slider and a cut fastball - look for him to break into the Nats' starting rotation sometime before the end of the season. See you next Sunday.

High Five

"It's good, but you know, the team, we're in the last place." (Alfonso Soriano, via Washington Post, 8/19/2006)

Zimmerman's 5 RBI night leads Nats to 6-4 win in Philly.

30-30 vision: Soriano swipes his 30th bag of the season to join 30-30 club and *yawn* leads off the game with HR #39.

Anybody know when Vidro's coming back? Oh that's right, he started last night and went 2-5.

(Photo by George Widman/AP)

A Villarreal letdown

"There was a little stinging sensation." (Brian Schneider, via Washington Post, 8/18/2006)

Nats' bats take the afternoon off.

And why not rest, a day after racking up 9 runs on a dozen hits?

Braves 5, Nationals 0. We have nothing else to add.

(Photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP)

$oriano surprised by waiver news

"Man, that surprises me right now. I don't know what to think now. If they not trade me at the [non-waiver] trade deadline, why they want to put me on waivers now?" (Alfonso Soriano, via Washington Post, 8/17/2006)

"It's not like I can negotiate now and tomorrow we have a deal. It takes long. [The Nationals] are going to have the first opportunity when I become a free agent. I hope everything works for me and for the team. Like I've said before, I like it here, I like my teammates and I like the city." (Alfonso Soriano, via Washington Times, 8/17/2006)

Soriano waiver news much ado about nothing?

This much we know: it had nothing to do with a deal to bring Wilkerson back to DC.

Hey Alfonso: you know it,  Stan knows it, and every other team in baseball knows it: when you say you  "hope everything works out for me and the team", you mean, "I'm going to the highest bidder. If that happens to be the Nationals, then hey, great. I like it here."

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

All Astaci-0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

"It was a superb effort on his part from the first pitch of the ballgame to the last pitch of the ballgame." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/16/2006)

"I remember like my old times when I throw some shutouts and I am just feeling good." (Pedro Astacio, via Washington Times, 8/16/2006)

Pedro Aces Braves: A two-hit complete game shutout on a night when he had no-hit stuff.

First complete game by a Nationals starter all season? You bet.

Thank you, Pedro. A reminder of why we have to keep watching even though the games are essentially meaningless.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

Losing their grip

"You're dealing with human beings and they are going to have off nights, they are going to have off games. It just wasn't his night. You're not dealing with machines; a human being can't do that." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/15/2006)

Braves pound Nats 10-4: over and out.

At least no chairs were thrown/kicked.

Dreams of first place the Wild Card .500 record finishing out of the NL East cellar slipping away.

Ortizn't his night: Ramon can't get out of the fifth, gets lit up for 9 hits (2 HR), 7 earned runs, and walks 3.

Two man wrecking crew for Atlanta: 4-5 night, 3 HRs for Chipper Jones (one apiece off Ortiz, Wagner, and Hughes) + 5 RBI; 4-5 night for Matt Diaz with a HR + 4 RBI.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

Enquirer answers the mailbag!

Back by popular demand, The Nationals Enquirer answers the latest intstallment of the Nationals dot com Mail Bag! The correct answers are available on Nationals dot com; now we'll give it a shot.

Keep those e-mails coming to Nationals beat writer Bill Ladson, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers. Thanks a bunch.

What are the chances of Alfonso Soriano winning the National League MVP this year? He has done everything he can for the Nationals to be a competitive team and has been able to hit at spacious RFK stadium.
-- C.V., Norwalk, Conn.

No chance of winning but he'll probably get a few votes - which is a shame. A player putting up big numbers on a last place team should not even get a sniff of the MVP award (yeah, we're talking about you, A-Rod). Voting for a player on a last place team is about as dumb as NOT voting for a player because he's a DH (yeah, David Ortiz got robbed last season).

Thrown chairs, angry tirades, finger pointing: It looks like the Nationals are imploding right before our eyes. This does not look good to the fans.
-- A.K. Wilmington, N.C.

Yup, the Nats are going completely Jerry Springer on us. And to think, Jose Guillen isn't even around...

Kearns seems to have the potential to be a good player for the Nats. What do you think?
-- D.K. Wilmington, N.C.

This much we know: Kearns has a better chance of making Jim Bowden look good in the long run for The Deal than does Felipe Lopez.

Will Jon Rauch get a chance to be in the rotation soon?
-- R.D., Montreal

Here's a more important question - Jon Rauch vs. Grizzly Adams? Who wins?

The decision to put Alfonso Soriano in the leadoff position was a stroke of genius. However, now that we know he can hit home runs at RFK stadium and with the arrival of Felipe Lopez, isn't it time to move him to the No. 3 spot?
-- Centreville, Va.

Really, who cares at this point. I don't know. Keep Soriano where he's happy and maybe that will be one less reason for him to sign elsewhere in the offseason.

It looks like Ryan Church is taking advantage of another shot with the team. Will he stay up for good?
-- S.V., Centreville, Va.

Really, who cares at this point. I don't know. We're still upset that Brandon Watson was sent down to New Orleans and eventually got claimed off waivers by the Reds.

Why does everyone seem so high on Brian Schneider? He would be a respectable backup catcher but nothing more.
-- J.S., Alexandria, Va.

Who is this "everyone" that you speak of? Respectable backup catcher? You're too kind...

When Kasten helped rebuild the Braves, did his GM, Bobby Cox, restock the farm system through trades or the draft?
-- J.W., Hampton, Va.

Yes - he did.

Why was Soriano not traded at the deadline? I think that he is great player who can be a cornerstone piece for this franchise, but I thought that the whole reasoning with shopping him around and taking offers for him was that they didn't think they could sign him long term. Why did the Nationals have such a sudden change of heart on their thoughts of signing him long term?
-- J.M., Bath, Maine.

Oh please, give us a break with that crap. That's a dumbassed question. Go to hell. Or Maine, whatever.

With Daryle Ward's solid numbers, why doesn't he get more starts?
-- P.H., Arlington, Va.

You tell us where to put him, and then we'll tell you why he doesn't get more starts.

R-OUCH

"Fortunately for me, I didn't miss the pitch that he threw me." (Michael Tucker, via NY Post, 8/14/2006)

Michael Tucker. Michael Tucker? Michael Tucker!?

Tucker takes Rauch deep in 8th; Mets beat Nats 3-1. You've got to be kidding me. Michael Tucker?

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a Nationals uniform: Schneider & Anderson pitch in with costly errors in the 7th.

Yay. Soriano hits 200th HR of his career -- but grounds out with the bases loaded and two out in the 7th when it really counted.

Best start of the year by Tony (sore)Arm-as (7 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 5 K) is wasted.

----------------------------------

Harp-breaker:

The Hollywood ending would have gone something like this: The 30 year old minor league lifer steps to the plate in the 9th inning of a 3-1 game, called on to pinch hit in just his 3rd major league at bat, his team trailing at home with two outs and two on in the bottom of the 9th. The rookie, grizzled and weary from years of riding buses to lonely minor league outposts, steps to the plate against the other team's dominating closer, AND (cue the music, please)......hits a long home run to win the game, gets mobbed by his teammates as he reaches home plate, while the crowd, in a frenzy, chants his name. The credits roll, the lights go up, and everyone goes home happy. Maybe after the game, surrounded by reporters and microphones, the rookie talks philosophically about the long road that has led to this moment, those long bus rides from Utica and  New Orleans to the outer reaches of professional baseball.

Instead, Brandon Harper popped out (on a nice sliding catch by Delgado in foul territory) to end the game.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

Schneider Gone Wild!

In most productive moment of the season, Brian Schneider kicks a chair, launches into profanity-laced tirade after Frank questions pitch selection and reporters question his health.

"There are 160 pitches a game. If someone wants to say something about one pitch during the game, then he has that opinion, and he's entitled to that opinion. But, obviously, we don't want to throw a pitch where it was. If the pitch is in a different location, then we would have a different result. That's all I have to say about that pitch. I didn't throw the pitch...I'm not going to talk about who and what pitch. You can talk to Rauch about it." (Brian Schneider, via Nationals dot com, 8/13/2006)

Schneider, in the midst of a large group of reporters after the game, was asked if he was okay. "I'm not hurt," he said sharply. Uncharacteristically, he stormed back to the players' lounge, slamming a chair on the way. "How many times do I have to say it?" he shouted. (via Washington Post, 8/13/2006)

Nats' Pen Can't Hold Mets

"Those kids out there are going to be inconsistent." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/13/2006)

Mets 6, NAAAtionals, 4.

Bergmann not bad, but Hughes & Schroder can't hold down the best team in the NL.

Nats make a game of it, battle back from 4-1 down on the backs of Soriano & Johnson to tie, but Schroder gives up a pair for the loss.

(Photo by Nick Wass/AP)

I want my two dollars!

"MASN's programming is very expensive to distribute. It will cost literally hundreds of millions of dollars over the next decade. These are costs that ultimately will have to be borne by cable customers. Comcast does not intend to profit from the carriage of this new network, but its significant cost makes it necessary to pass along a price increase to our customers." (Johnny the Paperboy in Better Off Dead Comcast Executive Vice President David L. Cohen, via Washington Post, 8/12/2006)

Comcast to jack up rates by $2 a month to carry MASN, Nats.

And, surprise! That Sept. 1 date has already slipped (we still say there is no chance that a single Nats game airs this season on Comcast. See you in '07!)

Comcast said the price increase would affect about 1.6 million customers in the Baltimore-Washington corridor who will start receiving the channel around Sept. 8 -- three weeks before the Nationals' season ends. (via Washington Post 8/12/2006)

Ok a-holes, we give up. You can have our two dollars. Just give us our Nats already.

Slick Billy Collars Mutts

"More than what we expected, exactly what I needed." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/12/2006)

Slick Outshines Glavine: Traber Terrific, Tosses 7 Strong. Livan who*?

Nats nip Mets, 2-1. Here they come! First place only 18 1/2 away!

Rauch & the Chief pitch in with a pair of scoreless innings (both make it interesting, work out of jams)

Schneider leads the charge, offensively. We'll say it again in case you didn't believe it the first time: Schneider leads the charge offensively. 2-3, 2 RBI.

*AZ debut for the The Former Ace foiled by FLA.

(Photo by Kevin Wolf/AP)

Wag, The Dog

"You know what you have going in. And what you hope you do, is you hope you get a decent performance out of them when you call on them." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/11/2006)

Marlins 9, Nationals 6.

Nats battle back to tie from 6-2 down with big 7th, but Wagner blows it in the 8th: 3 hits, a walk, a wild pitch, and 2 runs. (not to say they would've scored again, but...)

Hey Krivsky, how about a Wagner (so far a 13.50 ERA in 4.2 IP, 7 H, 7 ER, 2 HR, 1 HBP, 4BB,)-for-Tex (damaged goods) deal, straight up?

It doesn't add up: 9 H + 14 LOB Wed. night =  W. 10 H + 11 LOB last night =  L? Pitching, pitching, pitching...

*yawn* another HR and outfield assist for Soriano.

(Photo by Kevin Wolf/AP)

Krybaby

"I don't know what we may or may not do." (Wayne Krivsky, via Reds dot com, 8/9/2006)

Wayne's Big Blowout With The Big Blowhard over Tex:

"I said some things I wanted him to hear. Then he countered and I countered and he countered and I countered and he countered and I countered and then he countered and I countered and he countered and I countered and so forth and so on." (Krivsky, via Reds dot com, 8/09/2006)

Krivsky crying foul:  might file a grievance over "damaged goods" Majewski.

And so forth and so on. Silly really, all of it. Everybody knew Majewski had a sore arm. That is, everybody except the Reds.

(Photo by Tom Uhlman/AP)

Hello, Sunshine

"I'll be hitting in three months. I'll be ready next year, spring training. Hundred percent. No doubt in my mind I'll be ready by spring training." (Jose Guillen, via Washington Post, 8/10/2006)

Guillen stops by to clean out his locker and let everybody know he's recovering just fine from elbow surgery, thank you very much.

Oh yeah, he'll be back.* No doubt in his mind.

*Just not in Washington. Maybe Japan? Maybe the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks will come calling?

Big Deal: Livan Gone

Nats deal Livo to AZ for a pair of young arms.

Not a good move. A GREAT move by Bowden & Co. (thank you, Mike Rizzo). In Chico and Mock the Nats get a couple of prospects, and get the added benefit of clearing $7 million off the books for next season (still paying $2 million this year).

*Ahem* Don't forget, we called it this morning at 6:30, hours before the rest of the world smartened up:

The Nats weren't able to sneak Livan through waivers, so he'll be sticking around for the rest of the season. On an unrelated note, after an 0-3 day at the plate yesterday, Livo is now hitting his weight (.267)." (via The Nationals Enquirer, 8/7/2006)

There is the little itty bitty question of who's going to eat up all those innings on the NAAAtionals staff for the rest of this season, but hey, Billy Traber's back! Chris Shroder! Someone get Roy Corcoran on the phone, quick! Fire up the New Orleans-to-Washington shuttle!

So long, Livan, you'll be missed. (We'll miss your bat, too.)

(Photo by Chris Park/AP)

Enquirer Exclusive! Help is on the way for Nats' depleted pitching staff

Unnamed sources within the organization tell The Nationals Enquirer that knuckleballing knucklehead Jose Canseco is on Bowden's radar.

(AP Photo)

Pad Ending

"This is why we've not been able to put anything together and not be consistent, because we just don't win - and haven't won - these type of ballgames." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/07/2006)

A no-win situation.

One pitch. One bad 2-out pitch to Brian Giles in the 7th blows what was an otherwise remarkable afternoon for The Former Ace.

Livan put on a great show; a dazzling array of junk. But one pitch sealed it. After that, it was only a matter of time...

And let's not mention that Zimmerman got robbed of a HR in the 9th -- thanks to a #%*! call by the 3b umpire Brian Runge. Runge should be ashamed of himself.

But in the end - this one was all about blown chances. 12 LOB, etc. etc.

(*yawn* Another HR by Fonzie to lead off the game)

--------------------

p.s. The Nats weren't able to sneak Livan through waivers, so he'll be sticking around for the rest of the season. On an unrelated note, after an 0-3 day at the plate yesterday, Livo is now hitting his weight (.267).

(Photo by Chris Park/AP)

Pad-dled

"His undoing in the seventh inning was walking Roberts on four straight pitches." (Frank Robinson, via Washington Post, 8/6/2006)

Padres 6, Nationals 3. Frank lacks faith in the 'pen, so he leaves Astacio in for maybe, maybe, just a little too long. (Although you get the feeling that if it wasn't Astacio blowing this one, it would have been Rivera or Corky)

Zimmerman goes long for the second night in a row. Marlon goes yard, too.

-------------------------------------------

Mercifully, the Roy Corcoran Era is over (for now) - sent back to NoLA after the game. See you In September, Corky. Billy Traber called back up.

(Photo by Chris Park/AP)

Nats Fry Friars

"It's good." (Ramon Ortiz, via Washington Post, 8/5/2006)

Nationals 6, Padres 2: Nats get revenge against Chris Young, Padres, for embarrassing them in front of the Prez back in July. (Actually, they embarrassed themselves that night, didn't they?)

Frank's Freakout Fires up Ortiz. Funny stuff. Why'd you do it Frank? "To get on his !@#* a little bit, get him back in the strike zone...Sometimes, that's what it takes -- a little jolt." Ortiz survives for his 8th win.

Zimmerman, Felipe Kearns (4-8, HR, 2B, 2RBI, 3R) carry the day offensively.

Another assist (17) for Soriano.

(Photo by Jack Smith/AP)

It's Comcastic!

At long last, Comcast backs down: The Brian Billick Show and MASN coming soon to a Comcast cable box near you. Nats games, too.

Supposedly, it could happen as soon as September 1. But we say there's not a chance in hell that a single game gets on this season.

You know what? We're gonna miss that old MLB.TV splash screen. We'll sorta miss the hit-or-miss availability of Nats games on MLB.TV; the inexplicable blackouts; being able to watch for a few innings, then suddenly get kicked out; trying to figure out if clicking different combinations of buttons would trick the system into letting me in (sometimes it worked!).

Stanton Gets Last Laugh

"The first couple times you face your old team, there's kind of a weird vibe there. But you got to get through it and do your job." (Mike Stanton, via Washington Post, 8/3/2006)

Hey Mike, since when are you concerned with doing your job? Couldn't you have just, like, balked in Kearns? You know, just for old times' sake?

Giants 8, Giant Killers 6.

Armas stinks. Stanton snuffs out Nats' late rally with a nice-and-easy three pitch save, striking out Escobar.

Tony (sore) Armas gets torched again: 3.2 IP, 8 hits, 6 runs. And to think that just a few weeks ago his name was being seriously tossed around as tradebait.

Ryan Wagner does his best Roy Corcoran impersonation in the 7th.

2 more bombs for Fonzie (*yawn* another one to lead off the game). Nick J goes long, too.

(Photo by Eric Risberg/AP)

Livan Large

Super-size Me: Livan comes up with extra large 7-inning effort; Giants a San Francisco treat for The Former Ace. Nats win 4-1.

Next question(s): Will he be traded? Can he be squeezed through waivers?

(Photo by Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP)

Enquirer answers the mailbag!

Another heat wave in the District, but The Nationals Enquirer finds relief in the fact that the passing of the trading deadline yesterday signals the end of the incessant rumor mongering. So, what the heck, we'll go ahead and answer the latest installment of the Nationals.com mailbag.  The correct answers are available on Nationals dot com right now.

Keep those e-mails coming to Nationals beat writer Bill Ladson, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers. Thanks a bunch.

With the acquisition of Felipe Lopez, what are the plans for Cristian Guzman?
-- M. S., Montreal

Ugh. That's right, we forgot all about Guzman, the $8 million albatross. Thanks a lot.

What is the biography on Micah Bowie? All I know is he's 6-foot-4, 31 years old, born in Texas and pitching like an All-Star closer.
-- R. S., Alexandria, Va.

Bowie enjoys reading, skinny skiing, and going to bullfights on acid. He's a Scorpio. He's not related to Sam Bowie, the biggest bust in NBA draft history. Pitching like an All-Star closer? We wouldn't go that far, but yeah, sure, his performance so far has been pretty surprising.

With the Nationals under new management, are they trying to tell their fans that they are not competitive enough to sign Alfonso Soriano in the offseason? It appears that Soriano's good working habits and positive outlook is good for the fans and the team.
-- D. P., Washington

Stop your whining. The trading deadline has come and gone, and we refuse to buy the argument that the decision NOT to trade Soriano had anything to do with the fans. Not that you were making the argument, D. P.; it just struck us that you might make that argument.

Why not wing it and worry about negotiations with Soriano later? Trading the best player on the team in exchange for prospects is like selling off a Kentucky Derby winner in exchange for a couple of promising young colts. You quote Vidro saying, "It would be a devastating blow." Vidro is right.
-- R. L., Moultonborough, N.H.

Oh please, give me a break with that crap Richard. Go to hell. (Although with the way the 2006 Nats have been dropping like horsies at Arlington Park, it's probably appropriate to try to pull in a horse racing analogy here: The Nationals have been perfectly Barbaro-esque this season. While we're talking horses, maybe it's time we took Vidro out to the glue factory?)

Are the Nats trying to move Nick Johnson for pitching since they have Larry Broadway at Triple-A New Orleans, or does Johnson's injury history make him hard to move?
-- E. B., Washington

Apparently not, E. B.

What are the plans for Broadway? I think someone is overlooking a good player here.
-- L. S., Nashville, Tenn.

And who might this "someone" be that you speak of?

Is there any chance the Nats would trade the oft-injured Vidro?
-- K. B., New Brunswick, Canada

Vidro is a guy I could see getting traded after the deadline if his hammy gets better. He might float right through waivers or something. Then again, there's always the glue factory.

I heard that Javier Vazquez is available. Do you think the Nationals are willing to get him from the White Sox?
-- G. P., Montreal

Only if he has a history of arm problems.

Does Ryan Zimmerman have a chance to win the Jackie Robinson (Rookie of the Year) Award in the National League?
-- J. F., Navarre, Fla.

Come on! No chance!

Ryan Church was first touted as one of the top rookies. Then he was sent down while others were kept. I don't understand it.
-- E. B., Sebring, Fla.

You're asking the wrong guy. We've never really "gotten" Church. But a lot of people feel that he deserves another shot, and every day he keeps hitting, he makes idiots like us look like even bigger idiots. (For what it's worth, we were convinced that he was going to be shipped out in a trade yesterday, but as you know, nothing happened.)

Was releasing Mathew LeCroy a financial move or just a baseball decision? I always thought he was a hard worker. And, do you think anyone will pick him up?
-- R. B., Gainesville, Fla.

Three words: Beer league softball.