The Nationals Enquirer

WILLIE MO!

"I thought it might be a double. It was more of a line drive than most. And I'm by far not a home run hitter."
(Willie Harris, via Washington Post, 5/31/2008)

Nats 7, Diamondbacks 4: Willie Harris delivers big fly, now out homering Wily Mo 2-1.

None of this news on Zim's shoulder sounds promising. Trip to the DL to be announced any day now.

(AP Photo/Paul Connors)

Siesta.

"I'm not doing my job. I've got to get these guys out and I'm not."
(Charlie Manning, via AP/Washington Post, 5/29/2008)

Padres 5, Nationals 2: Charlie Manning's not the only one not doing his job. Nats' bats enjoy a nice afternoon nap.

Langerhans wakes up in time to knock in tying run in 7th and make the highlight reel in the 8th.

Lannan deserved better.

Now, get ready for the "Ryan Langerhans needs to play every day!1!!11!!!" chorus to start singing...

(AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

CHARGE OF THE LIGHT (HITTING) BRIGADE!

Nationals 6, Padres 4: Jesus and Lastings help Nats outslug Pads in battle of lightweight lineups. Not even a root canal can stop Odalis Perez!

(AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

One more reason to not stay up for tonight's game...

Ladies and Gentlemen: Paul Lo Duca.

As if playing the Padres at 10:05 on a Wednesday night isn't bad enough...

Paul Lo Duca filling in for Don Sutton on MASN, again. But stay tuned, maybe ol' Paulie will once again leak some top secret injury the Nats are trying to keep under wraps (Hey Paul, how's Shawn Hill REALLY doing after last night's 112 pitch, 5BB performance?). Or maybe he'll reveal just how much he really hates tonight's starter Odalis Perez?

(Photo of TV screen by The Nationals Enquirer staff)

Fear not, we're blessed.

Can't blame Jim Bowden for skipping out on a trip out West; instead, he's busy preparing for the First Year Player Draft by brushing up on his greatest overstatements of all time about [insert name of potential draft pick here] by comparing him to [insert name of Hall of Famer here], AND reminding his bosses about how they've agreed to spend the money (via Nationals dot com):

"We [draft the best] player. That's what we've done since I've gotten here, and it's all we're going to do," Bowden said. "High school, college, junior college -- it doesn't matter. Now, injury plays a factor. Sign-ability plays a factor. We're blessed that we're an organization where, if it gets late and there's an unsigned [guy who should have been a late] first-round pick, we have support from our ownership and our president to take that player and sign him. We're not afraid to do that. They are committed to building the organization the right way. It takes patience -- and we're all seeing it at this level -- but it takes backing."
...
"Winning and losing in the Minor Leagues doesn't matter," he said. "It's the prospects. What is exciting is when I get a call from a GM [last] week, [and] he likes eight players on our [Double-A] Harrisburg club and then raves about our [Class A] Hagerstown club. ... That's value. Even before they get [to the big leagues], that's trade value. It's pieces we have as leverage to go help our big league club win. We're not just going to develop them for us; we're going to trade some of them to get what we need to make this [club] better."

Here at the Nationals Enquirer, we don't know Buster Posey from Parker Posey, but we're encouraged by the gentle reminders by Jimbo to his bosses earlier today on Nationals dot com that a) they'll pony up the extra cash if necessary to sign "the best player" b) they're committed to building the organization in the "right way" c) he's definitely going to pull the trigger on a deal for Adam Dunn before the end of the season, and wants to remind the Lerners he'll need some of that aforementioned cash to sign him up to a Kearns-like deal after the fact to keep him around a few years.

Meanwhile...the Nationals Enquirer is busy preparing for the Draft by checking Nationals Farm Authority daily...

ENQUIRER EXCLUSIVE! ZIM INJURED SHOULDER SCOOPING DOG POOP

"So I have to get it out that there is a new lady in my life... Ok Ok there is no girl, well no girlfriend just the new English Bulldog I got.  Jokingly named Miley after the young pop culture princess of today, Miley Cirus... So that's been the excitement in my life for the past week picking up poop ..."
(Ryan Zimmerman, via Ryan Zimmerman's Blog, 5/27/2008)

"It's just soreness. It's been checked out, and they said there's nothing structurally wrong with it. Basically just wait for [the soreness] to go away. I mean if I had to play today I probably could, but we've got the hottest guy playing."
(Ryan Zimmerman, via Nationals Journal, 5/27/2008)

Uh-oh!  Zim says his shoulder is still "sore"; has a new dog named after Miley Cyrus.

2nd game in a row: No Zim, no good. According to sources with no knowledge of the situation, he messed up his shoulder scooping dog poop. Official announcement of a trip to the 15-day DL should be crossing the wires any minute now.

Be sure to check out Zim's blog for breaking news of the new girl in his life.

Enquirer Answers the Mailbag!

Ugg. West Coast trips suck. So in the spirit of suckiness, let's answer the latest edition of the Nationals.com mailbag! As usual, keep those e-mails coming to Nationals.com, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers! Here we go:

Is Aaron Boone going to get more playing time? He should.
-- D.O., Winnipeg, MB.

Be careful what you wish for...Zim's shoulder could make you see a whole lot more of Aaron Boone than you bargained for.

It seems like after every game, there's an item about Lastings Milledge being careless or lackadaisical on the field. And all I hear from him are excuses. What is he still doing in center field?
-- A.C., Atlanta, Ga.

I don't think it's Milledge being careless or lackadaisical: he's a work in progress. But aren't there coaches for that sort of thing? Anyway, we'd love to see him stuck in one of the corners, move Dukes to center. Yeah.

Can we get some love for Tim Redding? What a warrior, but nobody talks about him. He's by far our best pitcher this year.
-- S. C., Washington, DC

You obviously aren't one of the 10 people who stop by this site daily; Redding gets lots of hugs and love from The Nationals Enquirer.

Acta and Washington management should be commended for their patience, but how much longer will it last?
-- D.O., Winnipeg. MB

About as long as Willie Randolph has a job. Hate to say it, but the Mets are warming up a seat for Acta for 2009 and beyond...

Does choking up on the bat yield more or less power than a regular grip? Thanks for your help.
-- S.J., Eau Claire Wis.

Yes.

I completely agree with Nationals' idea of building a strong farm system. However, the club needs to get somebody to make fans excited, and somebody who is proven. You can't keep getting guys hitting .100 with five RBIs in a month. They also can't keep bringing up young guys before they are ready. I think the Nationals must stop being stingy and at least sign one big-name free agent.
-- A.H., Nazareth, Pa.

Hi. Where's Nazareth PA? Can't you go bombard the Pirates or Phillies mailbags or something? Go away.

THANK YOU, GUILLERMO MOTA!

"First five innings? Productive. Sixth inning? Absolutely horrible."
(Tim Redding via Washington Post, 5/26/2008)

Nats 7, Brewers 6: Nothing comes easy. Wild pitch walkoff saves the day after Redding's absolutely horrible sixth.

(AP Photo/Nick Wass)

SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE

"We had our chances. Anytime our pitchers throw like that, we always want to score runs and give them some support."
(Ryan Zimmerman, via Washington Times, 5/25/2008)

Brewers 5, Nats 2: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Zim'll sit tomorrow (uh oh...shoulder hurting...)

Offensive upgrade: Pokey!

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Godspeed, John Patterson

We've made our share of bad (usually unfair) jokes about former presumptive Ace of the Nationals John Patterson over the last few years, but we really feel for the guy. After making some progress in his comeback attempt with the Rangers, he was recently shut down; now released.

From Fort Worth Star-Telegram:

The Rangers released right-hander John Patterson, who was recently shut down after he aggravated a nerve injury.

From Dallas Morning News:

RHP John Patterson has been released. Patterson is going to take the rest of the year off to rest his right arm, which has not fully recovered from the surgical procedure he underwent last year.

Here's hoping he's able to rest up, maybe catch on with somebody next year...